Category Archives: Pope

Your faith is a joke.

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So the dust has settled and the smoke has cleared, and what do we have? Another old white bloke as pope. Well there’s a bloody shock.

I’m not going to go on about time for a black pope, but here’s a newsflash, people vote for their own, so a group of old white blokes are always only ever going to vote for an old white bloke.

Apparently, the new bloke is a jesuit.

*shrugs*

I understand that this is one of those little sub-groups who differ from one of the other little sub-groups. They all agree that angels dance on the head of a pin, but they think that they do the Harlem Shake, rather than doing it Gangnam Style, or something.

I don’t care if he’s a moderniser or a reformer, or a traditionalist or a conservative. It matters not a jot to me.

I don’t care if the Catholic church, or any church for that matter, has a no poofs, no chicks rule. It is of no consequence to me. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again; if you are gay and/or a woman, why would you want to be a member of this bizarre club that so hates you?

I just happened to have Sky News on when the old white smoke came pouring out. The crowd started cheering. I don’t know why, they didn’t know who’d been elected, it could have been Robert bloody Mugabe for all they knew. There were thousands of people cheering because some dude had been put in charge of an organisation that does nothing but dictate, and people choose to follow them, regardless. All very odd.

They had a little parade of voiceovers from guys who were this and that in the church, and they gave an appraisal of the character of each of the front runners. It was sickeningly fawning. Not just from the church guys, but from the reporter as well. It was all along the lines of ‘I met him once, and was deeply moved by his. . .’ whatever. Were you bollocks. Yes, I understand, you were looking after your job, that’s human nature.

I’ve been quite critical of the whole thing, in the main on my personal (real ID) facebook page. I’ve attracted some opprobrium as a result. I’ve been asked, by text and private message why I ‘hate God’, why am I being so horrible about a man who I don’t know, and is God’s rep here?

Well, I don’t hate God. I find myself in a situation where I dismiss religion almost out of hand, yet I’m not opposed to the idea of God. The thing is, the pope is no more God’s rep than I am. God, we are told, is omnipotent, so why does he need an agent?

Let us suppose for a moment that Jesus existed, and I’m actually quite happy to do so. Whether he was the son of God is a different matter.

When I see Jesus, I see a simple guy, born to a working class family with as near to bugger all as makes no difference. When I look at the pope, I see a guy with a huge palace, a throne, a private army and wealth beyond imagination. I mean, the lifestyle of the pope and his cardinals are as far removed from Jesus’ as it is possible to imagine, and the church promotes Jesus’ simple lifestyle. No-one, with the possible exception of Martin Luther has questioned this, as far as I can see, and it isn’t as if the Protestant hierarchy are living in a cardboard box under the Hammersmith flyover.

The fawning attitude is bizarre. This is an organisation which, just off the top of my head, has waged war in the middle east that we still see the legacy of today, has employed torture, has killed people in horrific ways for having a different opinion or even having the temerity to ask some reasonable questions. In recent years, we’ve seen them turn a blind eye at best to the holocaust, employ women who were single mothers or just were prepared to voice an opinion on things as slave labour in laundries, oversaw the spread of AIDS because they’d rather their followers die in agony than use a contraceptive, have instituted the sexual abuse of children on an almost industrial scale, and have sought to frustrate any attempt to investigate and prosecute this act.

‘Oh!’ the Catholic followers scream in despair, ‘you can’t tar them all with the same brush.’

Bullshit, this crap has been going on, and has been known about, for years. Name me one other organisation that would act like this and survive, either because government had taken action, or because a mob had taken to the streets and burned them out. People continue to join this organisation, and as far as I’m concerned, anyone who wants to become a member is condoning that behaviour. You wouldn’t join the IRA or ETA for the hurling and pelota, would you?

Not only the sexual abuse, but they get small children and inflict the most appalling emotional and mental abuse on them as well. You’d better love this bloke or you’re going to burn in the fires of hell. He died for you. He was nailed up. All because of your sins, which you’ve not even committed yet, but here’s a list of them.

They peddle disease, slavery and guilt.

If you’re woman, you can be an associate member, but know your place. If you’re gay, Jesus still loves you, but you’re still going to hell anyway, because nothing is worse than putting your penis into another man’s bottom. It’s obviously important, because it was right at the top of the list on those tablets Moses got, wasn’t it? No poofs. That was the biggie?

Oh, no. It wasn’t. Thou shall not kill. That was biggie.

It should have been: Thou shall not kill*.

*Subject to terms and conditions, unless you say or do something the church doesn’t like, ask an awkward question, look at your inquisitor in a funny way, or for any other reason where the church decides it is OK for you to be offed.

They peddle disease, slavery, guilt, bigotry, intolerance and death.

‘Ah, yes, but the Jews. . . the Muslims. . . the Proddies.’ I don’t care, I’m not talking about those idiots, I’m talking about you. Just because others did this shit too doesn’t make it alright for you to do it.

All the while they try to tell us their Head Paedo is infallible.

You put your faith in this organisation? Really? You think this organisation is a force for good? Well, I’m sorry to tell you that your faith is a joke, and not a very funny one at that.

The church is not God. They tell you that they speak for God, and you believe them. How can you be so credulous, so servile? Do you have such little self-respect? That’s probably because you had it preached, and in a few cases, beaten and raped out of you as a child.

So, no forgive me, I will accord this organisation no respect at all, and I will be actively hostile towards any person who wants to run it, they’ve been put there by the people who have made this situation so, they are one of them. Name me one of the cardinals who has spoken out, properly, passionately, violently about the evils perpetrated by their organisation. Not some half-arsed mumblings about ‘regrettable incidents’, but with the same strength of feeling they use when they’re telling us our souls are going to burn for eternity in the fires of hell if we don’t do exactly what they tell us.

No? Not one? Thought not.

They disgust me.

So, the Pope then.

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Amazing to see that he hasn’t been able to sell all his tickets. This is the first official visit by the head of the Catholic church ever. He hasn’t even been able to sell as many tickets as Manchester United manage once a week, and they’re as hated as this fellow.

It seems remarkable to me that in a time of cuts, that we’re spunking upwards of £10m on the visit of some former Nazi who has spent most of the last year acting as an apologist for the child abuse which has been running rampant through his organisation.

It isn’t just that we’re footing the bill, it would also appear that as well as picking up the tab, we’re also going to be giving in to demands from the deranged old bastard. Even the Queen for crying out loud. It would appear that she will be expected to wear black whilst in ‘His’ presence. I hope to the Flying Spaghetti Monster (Sauce be upon Him) that she doesn’t wear a mantilla.

And then there’s the drivel that’s being spouted from the entourage the sinister eyed old Paedo lover will be bringing, or not, with him:

“When you arrive at Heathrow you think at times that you’ve landed in a Third World country.” 

Way to endear yourselves to your hosts. What on Earth did you mean by that?

Mgr Oliver Lahl, said the remark was a reference to the diverse, multi-cultural population of Britain

Fuck me, paedophilia and racism? What do you need for the full set? Is the Pope going to sit having a smoke in his new steam driven Pope mobile whilst buckfast drinking, BigMac eating Cardinals shovel barn owls covered in crude oil into the furnace?

Cardinal Kasper, [...], said that Britain was a “secular and pluralist” country in which there was a “distance from God”, noting that there was “a crisis of faith” in much of the West.

No crisis here mate. Perhaps you just haven’t quite got the message that your organisation is now an irrelevance. We’ve worked out that the Earth orbits the Sun, and that even with the latest mechanical retrieval technology there’s no way you’re going to make a handful of fish go round a dinner party of five thousand. We don’t need you any more.

In a break with tradition, the Pope is returning to Rome with Alitalia rather than Britain’s flag carrier. 

Well, that is actually good news. What if BA went on strike? We’d be stuck with him and his freeloading mates for days, and there are children about, what if they started hanging around outside Catholic primary schools, which I understand is some sort of Papal code for ‘pick-up bar’?

The Cardinal also said the Catholic Church would “never” allow the ordination of women. Asked if the Church might soften its position on women priests in 100 or 200 years, he said: “I’m not a prophet, but I don’t think so.” 

Excellent, we chalk up sexism to the list as well then. Know your place, bitch.

The Anglican Communion has allowed women to be ordained and priests to be married, but the cardinal asked: “Does it seem to you that things have gone better for them?” 

No, but that’s because they’re an irrelevance as well, it’s nothing to do with allowing the clergy to get their leg-over, even if the person is able to give legal consent, nor is it to do with vicars worrying that the cassock makes their bum look big.

A Vatican source denied that the last minute withdrawal was a blow to the Pope’s trip but said that Cardinal Kasper’s “expertise” on ecumenical dialogue would be “much missed”. 

Yeah, after all that, he’s the best they’ve got. I can imagine the dicussion between Cameron and Hague; ‘I’m sorry David, but Alf Garnett is the only person we can send to be our Ambassador to the UN.’ Good grief.

“He is quite a liberal figure who doesn’t always see eye to eye with the Pope, and he has been very friendly towards the Anglicans,” the source said. 

Tea ——> monitor. Really? Come on, tell us another one!

The Most Rev Peter Smith, Archbishop of Southwark, has warned that “crackpots and lunatics” may try to disrupt the papal visit. 

Well, he asked them along. Hmmmm? What? You mean he wasn’t referring to the entourage? There’s people more crackpot and lunatic? Really? Oh this should be good, I can’t wait to see them! There are loads of tickets for sale after all.

They’re all absolutely bonkers.

The One That Says You Can’t Be Wrong All The Time. . .

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A centre of common sense and reason, earlier today.

I quite often tear into organised religion on here. I don’t hold a lot of store in it. I think they are pretty much always wrong.

Not this time though.

And whilst I may not set a lot of store by what the Vatican has to say, but many in Ireland do. Old habits die hard.

Looks like the Pope is none too impressed with the grand European Project. During a Papal visit to reluctant participant, the Czech Republic, the Pope’s Secretary of State, Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone* released a statement which will probably have the Brussels apparatchiks choking on their moules et frites.


‘Individual European countries have their own identity. The EU prescribes its laws or views to them and they do not have to fit with their traditions and history. Some countries are logically resisting this – for example, Ireland’

He then bangs on about the evils of bum sex for a while – c’mon guys, get over it.

Never mind, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Let’s hope that in the morning Ireland has a sudden attack of deep Catholicism and does what The Vatican tells them – just for the day.

*How entertaining to see a title for an office of state that Mandelson doesn’t have. Granted with his name, he’d be unlikely to ever become a Cardinal, but I’m willing to bet he’d love to have the outfit.

The One That Is Glad Someone Is Making Sure I Can Sleep Safely In My Bed At Night. . .

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Phew. Thank God for that.

I’ve been very worried. Whilst I’m far from convinced that man has a major part to play in climate change, (indeed I’m not entirely sure the climate is warming, Xmas in the North East US/Maritime Canadian provinces, anyone?) it is true that over the last 100 years we have done some shocking and idiotic things to our planet.

The destruction of the South American rainforest could have very bad results, it could lead to the extinction of a number of animals, birds and insects, some yet to be discovered, not to mention flora that could prove useful in drugs development, it means the destruction of the way of life of aboriginal communities that have lived quite happily in leafy isolation for thousands of years and it means we’ll still have to put up with Sting generally getting on everyone’s tits and producing albums of lute music. It is a bad thing.

However it pales into insignificance when compared to the threat posed to our way of life by consenting men putting their willies up each other’s bottoms. Well, that’s what the Pope says.

He explained that defending God’s creation is not limited to saving the environment, but also protecting man from self-destruction.

Well, I’ll put aside the God bit for now. I’ve said before, if I was God, those who run organised religions and claim to know what He wants and speak for Him, would be right up the top of the smiting list. Self destruction? Certainly. Where will we start? Slavery? Hatred? Wars which still have religion as the catalyst? How about repression in Zimbabwe, Myanmar, Saudi, Iran, China and a host of others? No, good old Pope Benedict gets right to the heart of the matter by saying self-destruction is brought about by a bit of bum sex.

I’ve never indulged myself. My arse is strictly a one-way street, but if it makes you happy, then carry on, it’s not doing me any harm. The same goes for you ladies, if you want to take a close interest in the workings of another lady, that’s fine.

People have been doing this sort of thing to each other before the Christian church existed and we’re still here. If God really was concerned about it, I’m sure He would have taken some action by now.

So, Popey, why not get your own house in order first? Why not take some proper, radical action about the systematic sexual abuse of children perpetrated by your organisation? The old joke has it that Priest stands for Paedophile Resident In Every Small Town. I’m much more concerned about the harm done to unwilling or co-erced participants in this.

When push comes to shove, what two consenting adults get up to with each other is nobody else’s business, as long as no third party is being harmed. That’s harmed, not offended, by the way. It certainly isn’t the business of some old member of the Nazi Youth who has swapped one ugly totalitarian auhoritarian regime for another.

Let’s hope we see Stephen Fry deliver his own festive message, (this is a celebration of the winter solstice, I’m sure I read somewhere that the Romans held the census in the summer, so old JC is probably a Cancer) where he warns that old celibate Germans with ridiculous dress sense are a big threat to humanity.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. You religious lot have had it. You are corrupt, irrelevant and discredited. You’ve had a good run, but it is now time to go. So why not be good chaps and fuck off and leave us alone, eh?