I’m trying to fathom the thinking (assuming there is some) behind the amazing commentary coming out of the Tories at the moment.
Let’s just take a quick review of the last few days, shall we?
- Cameron tells us, repeatedly, that he wants a referendum. But only if we elect his lot outright.
- Cameron does not put anything about a referendum in the Queen’s speech.
- Cameron gets sniffy when the backbenchers lodge an amendment regretting the lack of any referendum.
- Cameron writes, on the back of an organic tofu packet, a draft bill for a referendum.
- Cameron hands draft bill to a backbencher to adopt as a private members’ bill.
- Cameron then makes noises about this PMB being subject to a three line whip.
- Cameron studiously ignores the fact that he cannot bind any future governments into holding a referendum, but it doesn’t matter, because this is doing something, making a statement.
- Cameron says nothing, when making a statement would be a very good thing, after one of his inner circle dismisses the Tory grassroots as swivel eyed lunatics (where have we heard that before?).
Now, if I were leader of a political party and one of my colleagues spoke about the core support in such hostile and unforgivable terms, not only would I release a statement PDQ decrying the decrier as a nincompoop and all round farty-pants, but I would also, in the full view of the party and national media, eviscerate the decrier and march his head on a pole up Whitehall, round Trafalgar Square and down The Strand as a warning to others.
Instead we’ve heard nothing. Not a peep. Is it any wonder that the Tory grassroots are so furious? Is it any wonder that they are jumping over to UKIP?
Dave, c’mon! Hey, I’m quite happy about it, but you? What in the wide wide world of sports is going on in that little Eton head of yours? You really do treat your rank and file as oiky first year scholarship boys, don’t you?
The truth is, dear reader, that as far as Cameron and his pals are concerned, if you didn’t attend the right schools (I think it is limited to Eton, Harrow and Winchester), if you didn’t go to the right universities, if you didn’t join the right societies, then you really are nothing more than an educationally sub-normal, cretinous, drooling simpleton; the owner of a opinion that is to be ignored or shouted down. Know your place, you scruffy little oik.
I’m not one to play the toff game, but the longer this goes on, the longer I think there’s something in it. I always thought it was an easy sop from the Labour mob, and don’t worry, I’m coming to you lot in a moment, so you can stop looking so bloody smug, but if this is how he treats ‘his own kind’, well, of course the grassroots aren’t ‘his own kind’, they are beneath him. Just look at this photo again:
Is there not one of them you couldn’t cheerfully hit in the face with a brick?
He despises anyone who isn’t in his club.
Well, keep it up Dave, keep it up. Your uppity loons will find a home elsewhere. Let’s see how many seats you win when only Bullingdon Club members vote Tory.
Now, Labour members, you’re looking very pleased with yourselves, aren’t you? Well, why? Your leadership are just as elitist as the Tories, some of the schools are different – although not all that different, the universities are the same. You sit there in your Islington town houses pontificating on how people should live their lives, oh, you’re so superior, aren’t you? Hmmm? Intellectually, morally, spiritually, golly gosh if you aren’t just wonderful people. Except you’re not, you’re driven by hate, spite, jealousy and an unmanageable desire to control every aspect of every person’s life. You really are the most patronising and condescending lot, I loathe the Tories, you I just pity.
As far as you’re concerned, the only thing worse than a Tory (who you are convinced are all toffs – give it six weeks and you may be right) is one of those working class types. You’ve not met any working class, well, perhaps one or two, but they’ve been bathed and shaved, had some rudimentary education and, most importantly, would never disagree with you, mainly because you’d decry them as racist homophobe paedos and have their kids taken from them.
Anyhow, these working class types, you read about them in the sociology elective of your politics degree, some of them have improved themselves, some of them don’t want to be most ‘umbly grateful for the benefits you give them, or the dead end McJobs you’ll allow them to have, as long as they pay their union dues and do what they’re told like good little drones. Man, you HATE them. They improve their lot, and they don’t ask your permission. All of a sudden, you don’t look quite so attractive to them. They don’t need you any more, they don’t seek out your protective little pat on the head. Then there’s the other lot, who do outrageous things like question your immigration policies when their kids waste days in school waiting for everything to be translated, when even a seasonal farm job is out of reach because they don’t speak the right lingo. Class traitors! Racists! Throw in a ‘homophobe!’ as well, hell, let’s give ‘em a ‘paedo!’ for good measure.
No, your leader doesn’t want anyone to have a say on anything. It would appear that he doesn’t have a great deal to say himself, as when he stands up to talk it is utter, meaningless bollocks. At least when Cameron speaks you can pick apart what it is he’s saying and call him a large foreheaded arse-clown, your bloke speaks through his adenoids it’s like he’s suffering from dysphasia, he may just as well be saying ‘duvet renewable fan, chilli sauce, social justice ironing board cornflakes, privet hedge fund managers, chocolate seagulls feet.’ I just. . . he’s hopeless. You want us to back him? I mean, why? Why would we do that? Yes, Cameron is a shambling disaster too, but that’s no reason to back your shambling disaster. There’s more than two horses in this race, you know.
And LibDems, I was going to say I hadn’t forgotten about you. But that would have been a lie, because just like everyone else I HAD forgotten about you, due to your complete irrelevance.
Is there some sort of award on offer for most dysfunctional party and least effective leader? Bugger me, it would be a close run thing.
Keep it up.